Interview With a Penguin.

I had the rare opportunity to interview Glacier Freeze, a penguin on the run from theme park authorities.

Glacier Freeze (he/him) is a Little Blue Penguin who recently, and brilliantly, escaped Ice World, a winter-themed amusement park in southern New Jersey. For privacy purposes, this candid interview between Ross Brewer and Glacier Freeze was conducted over the phone (via 5G network) on July 22nd, 2024. We thoroughly curated this interview to include only the highlights of this conversation.

Ross: Glacier, thanks for the time and the honor. Thrilled to hop on with you today.

Glacier: Oh you bet, it’s crazy to be contacted by so many journalists, and I was going to give the call to someone with journalism experience, but here we are.

Ross: Thrilled we set it up. How is life post-escape?

Glacier: It’s pretty incredible man. I got down to New York City, I won’t tell you which borough because I think the keepers are still searching. But I’m loving the atmosphere and lots to do, best fish I’ve had. 

Ross: Love to hear it, you in the city for a while or are you passing through? And I promise I’m not asking for tracking purposes.

Glacier: I’m subletting for the time being, or is it subleasing? If I’m renting from a friend’s place, am I the–

Ross: I actually don’t know, I think they’re used pretty synonymously, but to sound it out, I think if you’re renting the property you would be the sublet? Thus, you’re subletting?

Glacier: That makes sense, yeah. But yeah I found a good spot with a roommate who isn’t home a lot. Our place has A/C and a fridge. A lot of people don’t know that penguins love fridges. It’s like a man-made winter world in your kitchen. I usually hop in there to acclimate. It's kind of like a sauna, but cold.

Ross: That’s awesome, and I want to clarify, you’re a Little Blue Penguin, which is an actual species of penguin, not just a descriptor?

Glacier: That’s right, pretty lazy name if you ask me. And it kind of blows when you meet other types and the Emperors and Kings think they’re above you because some biologist was feeling more creative one day than the other. But it is apt, because we do shimmer with a blue tint and we’re smaller than other breeds. 

Ross: Any perks of being little and blue?

Glacier: More room in the fridge if you escape to NYC. 

Ross: (laughs) Good looks. Alright, so we have to know, how’d you escape?

Glacier: It really wasn’t all that difficult, I appreciate the generosity in the heroic headlines, but our pool was too deep. And I knew that from arrival. A Little Blue Penguin can jump 3-6 cm out of the water. Our little ledge (to exit the pool) was exactly 3 centimeters above the surface. Because I had the depth to generate speed, I cleared it the first week I was there. I knew I could get out of the water, and then just waddled out at like 5 AM. 

Ross: That’s epic, what stopped you from leaving right away? You spent a year at Ice World?

Glacier: Yeah, I had a lot going on. I met a girl like my first two weeks at Ice World, and penguins use the pebble system which is a big commitment. I gave my pebble to (name redacted) pretty early because I was just kinda livin’ it up. 

Ross: What’s that like? Giving a pebble to a partner, is it intimidating? 

Glacier: For some, yeah. I’ve seen humans do it in Times Square. But you guys like to wear ‘em on your hands and stuff. 

Ross: That is true, but penguins don’t consider that a lifetime commitment? Sorry if I’m not following.

Glacier: No it is, you usually use the pebble for nesting and you build a foundation together. But (name redacted) had unfinished, or unexplored relations with another penguin and I popped the pebble without knowing. It was pretty apparent about six months in that my pebble wasn’t gonna last.

Ross: Ah, man, I’m sorry to hear that. Are you doing alright? Don’t mean to pry.

Glacier: Well, I have national news interest, brands reaching out to me, and I’m one of very few penguins living in human society, I think I’m going to be okay.

Ross: Well-put, well Glacier, I just have a few rapid fire questions, I don’t want to hold you overtime.

Glacier: Let’s hear it.

Ross: Is it true you were named after a Gatorade flavor?

Glacier: (Laughs) I actually just found out what Gatorade is, and it’s so good. I don’t know if my folks knew what it was, but I know they used to say the name came to them “floating on the surface” so I can’t say that the theory is false. 

Ross: I think I speak for all of us when I say I’m sorry for any floating muses.

Glacier: Wow, an apology, how valiant. Might be the first I’ve heard from a human, and so for that I say thanks?

Ross: Thanks for staying cordial. And thank you for your time, Glacier. I hope you stay cool out in New York and that your future adventures bring you joy.

Glacier: Ross, thanks man, keep in touch. 

Glacier Freeze and I chatted for six more minutes off the record. As the call ended, I couldn’t help but marvel at the courage this individual has displayed in his escape, and the nonchalance he shows in his reflections. I encourage anyone who crosses paths with Glacier to applaud his bravery and uphold his endeavors of remaining under the radar. 

Stay tuned for more updates on Glacier’s run and other cross-species interviews.